I Blame You

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been forcing myself to observe people. Usually, this isn’t out of the norm, as people-watching tends to be one of my favorite past-times. But, I’ve been trying to observe people in a different type of light.

At first, I wasn’t quite sure what I was looking for or trying to figure out. Then, after repeated observations, I finally saw what it was that was bugging me.

I started to notice how shallow people really are. Now, let’s be clear, I’ve always known people were shallow. Unfortunately, it’s a human habit not easily broken. But, I kept seeing things that were bothersome. Things that I just didn’t understand or could even begin to fathom wondering why.

Take for instance, one’s weight. The issue of body image has long been discussed and debated, probably to the point of wearing the subject out entirely. But, never have I been so close to the topic, than now.

Over the past couple of months, I’ve lost weight.  A lot of weight. Probably more than what is usually considered healthy for a two-month period. I wish I could say that it just kind of happened and I was finally realizing that living a healthy lifestyle is the best thing to do. But, in reality, I lost my weight in an entirely unhealthy way.

I started noticing people judging me for my weight. It wasn’t exactly in what they said, but more of what they expressed with their body language and their overall attitude towards me. I’ve never been one to really complain about how I look, as I have always felt that I am the way I am for a specific reason. But, when you look at me and you ever-so-slightly extort the muscles in your face to a small, but noticeable, (at least to me) expression of disgust, I can’t help but become disgusted with myself. Or, when you so easily and half-comically poke fun at my extra “love-handles”, saying, “Oh, you know, it’s just a joke. You look fine the way you are.”, it’s not so hard to see that you’re actually saying, “Ha, sucks to be you.”

How about all them skinny people saying they are fat. Now, obviously this is something that bugs a lot of people, but I figured, what the hell? Why not offer my two cents?

To all the skinny people in my life and within my six degrees of separation: you may think you are fat, but let’s be clear, you aren’t. When I can wrap my hands around your waist and still feel the bones poking through your skin, you are skinny. If I can hug you and can feel/realize that I am hugging a toothpick and you are hugging a giant teddy bear, you are skinny. And just because you have a little “pudge”, doesn’t mean that you are fat and need to lose tons of weight.

You know how horrible it makes me feel when you honestly think that your little “pudge” makes you feel fat? Seriously? I look at you, then look back at me, then look at you again, and the only thing that I want to do is shove my finger so far down my throat that I throw up everything that I’ve ever eaten in my entire life. I would kill to have just “pudge.” I would kill to look remotely just like you.

So, yeah, I’ve lost some weight. And yeah, I feel pretty good about it. But I did it because I was forced to see that society will always be a lot more critical about one’s weight than most people care to acknowledge. I’ve come to hate food. I can’t even look at it half the time anymore without thinking about how I’m going to lose the weight that it is going to make me gain. How sad is that?

Another thing that really irks me, and essentially ties into this whole body image thing, is deciding if one is date-able or, for some, screw-able based off of what they look like. Sometimes people even go so far as to decide this based off what a person can bring to the table with their genitalia.

Now, I totally get that people can be picky and that people have their own type when they are looking for a significant other. But, you’ve gone too far when the only thing you decide this on, is based off of their outside appearance.

When did relationships that were based off of communication, feelings, and what somebody is on the inside, go completely flying out the window? When did it become all about what somebody looks like? You really think that you can build a life around someone where the only thing you find attractive about them is the fact that they, themselves, are attractive? Really?

Oh, and what about if a guy has a small penis and/or an uncircumcised penis? And for women, what about the fact that they may not really have any breasts? You’re going to make your decision based off of that? Seriously?

How shallow can one get?

Maybe their would be a lot less broken hearts in this world if people stopped living in their fantasies and completely dismissing someone that could actually be really good for them, just because they are not the “ideal” body-type.

Maybe if people could realize that some of us are just humans and are very fragile and are obviously never going to be “perfect” by society’s standards, life may indeed, be a little more enjoyable.

So, I blame you. I blame every person who I just described for the self-centered, egomaniacal, looking-for-nothing-but-perfection society that we live in today. A society that I can’t even believe exists.

For all you people out there that have little extra “love-handles” to go around, that may not look like a photo-shopped picture of David Beckham, or that may not live up to genitilia standards, know that someone out there (ME) loves you for who you are. Not for what you look like.

Know that at least one person is rooting for you and is on your side.

Just something to think about.

Peace, Love, and Other Miscellaneous Happy Things,

CK